Tuesday, May 01, 2012

Words in a Marriage

Every year around this time, I am reminded of the blessings and challenges of marriage. A quick blink and here we are, on our 3rd year mark. Has it been 3 years since we committed to each other?

In year 1, I learned how to make marriage a choice in our daily lives. In year 2, I learned that we complement each other by using our strengths.

This year?

I learned how powerful words are in a marriage. Words are not just alphabets string together to mean something. It's how we say it and how we use it that matters. Yes, we all had moments when we say things we don't mean- and find it hard to take back. Words can single handily bring a person down or up.

I learned that he stands up stronger when  I say I believe in him. I noticed that he held his head up higher when I complemented him. The reverse is true, he noticed and encouraged me to meet my fitness goals. He  told me that my work is precious and he is so proud of me. He complemented my cooking and polish out my cookie jar.

Belief is such a funny thing. You can't see it but you can feel it. And when we feel it, we can see it in our body language and attitude.

You may think, it's only easy to be positive and uplifting when one is happy. Well, this past 12 months has been challenging. Role changes, family situations, health challenges, moving (more on that later)... it takes all our effort to remain affirmative towards each other. These are the moments that tests a marriage. One minute that we take our eyes off our marriage, the satan strikes.

Because I learned that if we don't believe in each other, then who else will? If we don't build each other up, then who will?

It doesn't mean that we are hypocrites who are not honest and continued to smile through mistakes. It means we acknowledge that ok, this isn't going well but let's not play the blame game and what's our next move. Because we believe it can be done. I am responsible for the decision as much as he does and verse versa. Now, this is hard. It's one of the hardest thing I have done. The blame game is so much easier most days. To say we are a team, no.. we are the team.

My prayer for the next year is that I will be the uplifting and positive wife. God knows how much this is a challenge to me more than to Him. Sometimes, I wonder how can he be so uplifted when I haven't been? But it comes back to filling the gap and knowing that love is wondrous.

To another year ahead. To a lifetime of curveballs.

To my husband of 3 years... Happy 3rd Year Anniversary.. and many more to come.



bossacafez said...

daph, what a beautiful article! for someone who's been married for 12 years this coming 9th, i can totally relate to what you've wrote. sometimes i think marriage is like fine wine, it gets better through time and it really does. my hubby and i used to fight alot when we first got married but now things are so much better lol.

btw, i think armand is so manly! :)cheers to many more good years to both of you!

lena said...

happy 3rd anniversary and wish you many many many years of happiness and togetherness! I couldnt agree more to waht you said , blaming is poisonous to a marriage and sometimes when we think of it, what's the point of blaming the other party? also want to tell you that you look so beautiful in the photos!

Joanne said...

I love reading your perspectives on marriage...they are so insightful! Congrats love. With all the work you put into your marriage, I just know it will be a happy one for years to come!

Kitchen Belleicious said...

what a wonderful post! Words are so important. you can easily build up your spouse or bring them down with just a few simple words. I learned that early on too!

daphne said...

evan- aww u r always so sweet mdear! Thank you for being so encouraging. 12 years is indeed a milestone. I certainly like the analogy with red wine. It does get better with age ;)

lena- sweet words! I agree with you on blame is so poisonous. We have a long way to go so every milestone is precious!

Joanne- I hope so too!

Jessica- yes! it can be a difficult lesson!

Jin Hooi said...

Daphne, happy 3rd anniversary !!! What a beautiful post and cheers to many more good years to both of you!

Quay Po Cooks said...

Daphne, Happy 3rd Anniversary. Wishing you both have many many more loving years together. Although I have been married to my Quay Lo for 15 years, we are still learning about each other but yes, it gets better each year. As long as we always try our best to fix what is broken and not throw them away, we are fine. What is important in a marriage is to always remember to choose to be happy not to be right. Oh you look so lovely in the photos.

Nami | Just One Cookbook said...

Ohhhh! Happy 3rd Anniversary! Daphne, you look so gorgeous!!! Thanks for sharing wedding photos - I love looking at wedding pictures, which make me happy. :-)

Sonia ~ Nasi Lemak Lover said...

A beautiful post and you look really gorgeous in your wedding photos..Happy 3rd anniversary!

babe_kl said...

What a beautiful piece on marriage. Sorry for being so late in wishing you and AR a very happy anniversary.

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