Chocolate Vanilla Slice

I have my bad and good days. Some days, I really really miss my grandmother. Grief is a throbbing pain in your heart that doesn't seem to go away. It becomes slightly duller but it aches. The image of her smiling face, the twinkle in her eyes and her old fashioned styled hair with heaps of hair spray stays with me.

Last year this time, there was so much excitement. I was heavily pregnant. My family was planning their big trip to stay with us for 12 weeks. An pending new arrival to the family brought a buzz. Who would have thought the past year would be filled with so many memories- both happy, troubled, happy and sad?

We are planning Asher's first birthday and then it hit me that granny won't be here physically to celebrate with us. I'm holding on though, to the memories of our family waking up together and looking forward to seeing Asher in those early days when he arrived. The laughs during his full month celebration and cooking lessons that grandmother gave me (yam cake and chill). The precious cuddles they shared.

Of course, we had our trips back where grandmother spent mornings and days seeing Asher play at my parents flat, or helped entertained Asher while I do a quick workout at the exercise park.

And the worrying times where Gran rebelled against death and came back from heart failure and her stint at ICU in February.

The sadder times when we lost her.

I was browsing photos of treats and bakes I made when this caught my eye again. This was made for a family gathering. At that lunch, we spoke about grandmother's likes and dislikes, and how the whole family became closer together (extended family included) this year. That is what my grandmother would have love to know. She would have love to take an adventurous bite of these small chocolate vanilla slices and give me her two cents about how it's not sweet enough, or it's too hard, or that it's "ok".  But she would eat it with a smile anyway.

Chocolate Vanilla Slice (makes 24 mini ones) Adapted from Spunky Coconut.
Base
1/4 cup coconut flour
1/4 cup cacao powder
2 tablespoons of linseed meal
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
3/4 cup of almond butter
1/2 cup coconut milk
3 tablespoons of honey
1 tablespoon of vanilla paste

"Vanilla"
1 cup of coconut butter
1/4 cup of water
2 tablespoons of honey
2 tsp of vanilla paste

Chocolate Ganache
100 grams of dark chocolate
1/2 cup of coconut milk

Pre heat oven to 180C. Line a 8x8 square dish.

To make the base- mix the wet ingredients using a mixer. Then fold in dry ingredients. Press it to the pan and bake for 30 minutes or so. Cool.

To make the Vanilla- Mix everything in a mixer. Spread frosting over the base.

Chocolate Ganache- In a saucepan, melt chocolate in coconut milk. Pour ganache over the frosting. Fridge it over night.

Cut into small pieces and enjoy.

My Grandmother

This is one of my hardest post to write.

I lost my best friend, my inspiration, my everything....my grandmother on the 4th of May.

Grief is a very strange feeling to describe. I feel the loss, the sadness and the pain. The deep sense that a part of me is gone. At the same time, a strange sense that I am glad she is no longer in pain. I'm relieved that she got to see us before her passing and that I get to re assure her that I will look after Asher and my parents. Through tears in her eyes, I saw the longing.... perhaps the longing to be with us a little more and the sadness that she couldn't.

No amount of words could hold what my grandmother has taught me. She lived for me and my family since forever. Even in death, I know her fear was not about herself but for us.

My grandmother looked after me since I was 3 days old. That's right. 3 days. I was brought back home in her arms. She nursed me through sickness, she let me cling on to her on her back while I was teething, brought me to tuition classes, scolded the principal for organising an external trip to the zoo dressing students in shorts as that would attract mosquito bites, cooked omelette at 10pm at night as I was hungry, made my favourite sweet and sour pork, double boil soups so that I can stay healthy, as an university student, stayed for 3 months in my tiny room with me so that I could have company and then cooked for the rest of my housemates.

She was 77 years young. She was a great grandmother. The pride in her eyes as she boastfully told everyone about baby Asher and his baby accomplishments would never leave me. Yes, I have a doctorate BUT my greatest accomplishment in her eyes was having Asher.

Condolences came in. Her yam cake was mentioned. Her famous chill sauce.  How she made everyone feel warm and cared for. But more importantly, how much love and grace she gave to people around her. She was remembered as the lady who had a great sense of humour, always have a sharp eye and her love for bling. She was modern and dignified yet humbled and gracious.

She led a hard life. From a family of 10 children, she lost many of her siblings. She told me stories about the war time, where she saw dead bodies daily... where she ate hardly anything. She started working as a child and wanted badly to study but couldn't as family circumstances always meant it needed money and her attention. She was always there for her siblings, providing money for their education, keeping an eye on comfortable jobs for them and nursing them if they were unwell.

Her heart has always pointed to one place. Her family. She lived and served her family her life.

I'm the closest to her heart. Perhaps the luckiest too because I have memories of walking in Chinatown with her sampling the best water chestnut cake and rice dumplings. Oh and how about our trips to Hong Kong, Busselton (WA), Malaysia, and her last trip to Perth where she was here for Asher's arrival.  I have her love for food and zest in life.  I grew up with her love and time- something that would be difficult for my mum, aunty and uncle to have.

She taught me how to cook. She was the reason why this blog was created. She said "if the first time it doesn't work out, just try again, the 2nd time will work". She encouraged me and laughed at my failures but always in a kind way. We cooked together in joy (with her directing me of course). My father said, she always looked forward to my daily FaceTime calls, where I would ask her for advice for herbs and soups.

I will miss her. I miss her already.

My heart is broken. I think one of the hardest thing is that Asher would never get to know her personally. Yes, I will tell him stories and show him photos of his loving great grandmother but it won't be the same.

 I know that life goes on. It will. It does. Routine helps. I know Grandma wants me to be happy- and nurture Asher the best way I can. I aim to continue her legacy. I have so much that I want to learn from her and yet now I have to appreciate what I have gotten from her. Her zest and strength in life. Her never give up attitude and her positivity. Her kindness and warmth to everyone she meets.

We managed to say our goodbyes. With tears in her eyes, an image I will never forget, I knew she was saying goodbye to us with longing in her eyes too. Even in that moment, her eyes... I could tell she was asking if I will be ok. If Asher would be. Oh my grandmother, I know how much you love us. All I could to was to thank her, reassure her and let her know I love her.

I love you my dearest grandmother. Always in my heart. Always in my memories.

Paleo Lemon Chai Muffins and My Trip Away

Oops! It's the month of March already? I promised I would blog more but I was away for a good reason. We took our first plane trip as a family back to KL and SG to celebrate CNY. Alas, I had to stay a few weeks more to look after my grandmother who was in hospital.

Family portrait before granny was admitted. I love this shot of my family and us!

It was a very traumatic few weeks as we had to call an ambulance and witness my beloved grandmother being in ICU and intubated. She is a strong lady and gradually responded to the treatment. I was so pleased that she is home, that I could barely let her off my sight and monitored all her food and vitals closely.

This episode also taught me family love. Relatives from Hong Kong flew back to be beside her. Grandmother's sister stayed with us for a few days to care and cook for her. Through her, I learned more home cooked cantonese dishes which I'm keen to replicate at home. My mother learned how to make soups and I learned a few more slow cooked Chinese soups (you can literally hear the glee in my husband's voice here). I get to spend more time with my family including my parents. Of course, it means that Asher gets to meet heaps of his uncles and aunties, grand uncles and grand aunties, cuddles from many relatives that he wouldn't be able to meet or greet otherwise.

Hubby and I were also apart for a few weeks as he had to fly back to work. It was a tough few weeks as I learned how to juggle

All these though, brought us closer as a family unit. I can't wait to see my parents and grandmother again. I have learned to appreciate time- and be in the moment even more. 

I'm back sharing this recipe by Slim Palate. I have only recently discovered Joshua (who is 18 by the way and cooking fabulous food) and his blog. Browsing through his story makes me ashamed of how basic and simple my cooking is compared to his! He comes up with amazing real food recipes and this one caught my eye.  I love how he used chia seeds as "poppy" and use of apple cider vinegar to give it a tang.

I have been experimenting more with coconut flour and is growing to LOVE it. The dense nature of this flour means more liquid has to be added. But once the right ratio is achieved, it provides unlimited experimentation of different cakes and treats. I increased the baking soda in this recipe as I find it gives it more of a lift and a lighter feel to the muffins.  Since I love my lemons, I added more zest and juice as well. I think I can make further improvements- it's still a little more dense for my liking so I might add some other raising agent. Certainly more lemons will be better as well. There is always a next time!

Paleo Lemon Chia Muffins (makes around 8 for me)
1/2 cup of coconut flour
2 tablespoon of chia seeds
1/2 tsp baking soda
zest from 2.5 lemons
4 tablespoon of lemon juice
1 tablespoon of apple cider vinegar
pinch of salt
1/2 cup of almond milk
1 tsp of honey
4 eggs
1/4 coconut oil

Preheat Oven to 180C. Line liners into muffin trays.

Whisk dry ingredients (coconut flour, chia seeds, baking soda, and salt) together. In a separate jug, whisk all wet ingredients such as the juice, vinegar, almond milk, honey, eggs, oil and zest. Pour wet to dry and fold.  Bake for 25 minutes. Cool and eat.

Cashew Nut Cookies 2

Oh 3 months went so quickly and granny is back in Singapore again. The house certainly feels empty and different without her presence. Nevertheless, I know I will be back in Singapore in a few months to see her and my family and love ones :)

A few people commented that I am very close to my grandmother. Granny is my maternal grandma. She looked after me since I was an infant, and I do have a very close attachment to her. My parents worked really hard to provide for the family, and it was really a blessing that a close family member was able to care for me when I was a child. I think for my mother, it was probably a relief that someone she can trust took care of her daughter. I  have a close relationship with my mother too, and people always comment that we look alike. In fact, a work colleague once commented to me that she wish I will age as gracefully as my mother and grandmother!

For my hubby, he laughed often when he goes shopping with us. He said it is often a abit of a sight to see 3 generations shopping since we will always head to the same department together- the shoes. Yes we love our shoes!

Another friend also said that she thinks it is amazing how my hubby wouldn't mind granny staying with us for an extended period of time-and even have the design of our new home with her in mind. In all honesty, I didn't even think that would be a problem! What a considerate wife I am. When I asked him that, he said that he does not have the privilege of spending time with his grandmothers anymore as they have passed on and therefore, thinks of granny as his own. I swear that granny adores him and would often cooks what he likes- walking to the nearest oriental store just to purchase his favourite bittergourd vegetable. They banter and tease each other in broken English and Cantonese-which often makes me laugh till I stitch while they stare at me waiting for me to translate what they were saying.

Ahh..good times indeed.


Turns out that granny loves Cashew Nut Cookies just as much as my hubby does. I have no idea where I took this recipe from, but it has a more crumbier and melt in your mouth texture. Both of them prefer this recipe than the last one probably because it does have a more fragrant smell to it. It does crumbles very easier so take extra care when storing them-or else you ended up with more crumbs in your mouth than cookies in your jar.

Unless that's the way u want it. ;)

Oh oh does anyone know a traditional Hup Tou Sou recipe? I really want to conquer my fear of making them!!

Cashew Nut Cookies 2 (makes around 16 cookies)
90 grams flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp baking powder
pinch salt
40 grams confectionery sugar
1/2 cup roasted and ground walnuts
80ml of olive oil (but u can use peanut oil too)

Extra cashew nuts for garnishing.

Egg wash- egg yolk whisked

Preheat oven 180C. Line baking tray with baking paper.

Sieve flour, baking powder, soda, salt and sugar together. Fold in ground walnuts and oil. Knead with your hands into a soft dough. Using a teaspoon, spoon dough and roll into a ball. Flatten and place on tray. Place one cashew nut onto dough. Bake for 15 minutes till golden.

Pork and Century Egg Rice Porridge- A bowl of comfort

It has been years since I have the care of my granny when I am unwell. The terrible heat got into me recently and I was down with bad headaches, cool, sore throat..etc. Granny knowing that I didn't feel like eating, offered to make me some rice porridge.

It's a dish that you can find in most dim sum restaurants. I grew up eating lots of rice porridge as my family was not well to do. That was what granny could feed me for lunch on most days when I was in primary and secondary school (on a good day, we have fish fingers AND rice porridge!). When I was in my late teens/early twenties, I couldn't stomach any more rice porridge since I had it so often!

Century egg is probably regarded as bizarre food for some. I suppose it is a version of preserved egg. And since we have so many types of preserve food-surely it makes sense to preserve duck eggs too? LOL I suppose it does have a strong smell, but the taste of it goes very well with plain rice congee/porridge or even on tofu!

Granny cooked the rice porridge slowly and for more than 2 hours. This gives the porridge a nice silky texture. True Cantonese style, she added in some lean pork mince, only adding in the eggs in the last 5 minutes of the cooking process. I love how she added some spring onions as well.

Each spoonful tastes of love.

Pork and Century Egg Rice Porridge (Serves 3-4)
1 cup of rice
6 cups of water (or more!)

200 grams pork mince marinated with soya, pepper and corn flour.
1 century egg diced
spring onion

Simmer rice and water for 1.5 hrs. Around 1 hour mark, add in pork mince balls. Cook for another 30 minutes, adding the egg and spring onion in the last 5 mins. Serve.

Baked Pandan and Coconut Milk Cake

A very belated post. Late January, it was hubby and granny's birthday. Turns out that this year, Granny's Chinese birthday (according to the lunar calender) is the same as hubby's English birthday!

On the day itself, hubby bought his own birthday cake. I felt so bad.. but work means that I did not get home till late that day. It was a sweet day though as granny waited till both hubby and I are back, staying up late to cut her birthday cake (Sharing with hubby of course). I rarely have the chance to celebrate granny's birthday-given that I'm not in Singapore often. I think she senses it too, that despite my working hours, we sincerely want to spend it with her.

To make it up, I decided to make a cake that I thought will make both of them happy. It has to be something slightly different since granny isn't a fan of sweet creamy cakes. I decided to adapt a Nyonya recipe from one of Andrew Kow's cookbook "Nyonya Kuih with Passion". It has coconut- so I know it will be a winner with hubby.

While I was making it, granny commented that it is unusual to be cooking the batter on the stove before baking it. Indeed. The batter will become very thick-like when one is making yam or radish cake.

The result is.... a happy granny and hubby. =)

Baked Pandan and Coconut Milk Cake

200 grams Rice Flour
80 grams mung bean flour
150 grams of sugar (reduced from 300 grams)
1400 ml of coconut milk (I used 1000 ml of coconut milk and 200 coconut cream)
20 grams of sago powder (omitted as I dont have it!)
pandan essence- around 2 tsp

Oil a square baking tin. Pre heat oven 180C.

Place all ingredients into a pot. Mix well and cook using medium heat. Keep stirring till the batter becomes thick. Bake for 30 minutes till it becomes golden brown on the top. Leave to cool. Cut into pieces and serve.

Art of Making Dumplings

It's funny how some childhood food sticks in your mind. I have made a similar version before but nothing beats the fun and laughter than I have when making these with my grandmother. As a child, I would often request if I could wrapped the filling into the rounded dumpling wrappers. She would reluctantly agree. And she would point out that because I didn't wrap it tightly, the filling spills out. I would argue with her and said how would she know if I was the culprit and not hers since we did them together? ;P

But now she is here, and when she gathered up the ingredients, I know the fun begins again. My turn to wrap some prawn dumplings with her. It's perfect timing because today is New Year's eve, and I know we will be having these for our steamboat (Chinese soup fondue) dinner.

We marinate the meat. Granny was very generous with the dried mushrooms. Defrosted some prawns, prepared the egg wash and here we go!

Place a teaspoon of filling into the middle of the wrapper. Place half a prawn in the middle.

Dot egg wash around the edge of the wrapper.

Seal.

Pose.

Repeat. 

While I was finishing them up, granny proceeded to make the stock and noodles for our soup.

The result of our work! Lovely juicy prawn dumplings!

Prawn Dumplings (makes around 30 dumplings)
300 grams pork mince
5-6 hydrated shitake mushrooms chopped finely
2 tablespoons of DOM liquor 
dash of white pepper 
2 tablespoon of light soya
dash of salt
1 tsp of corn flour

Around 15 prawns halved.

30 dumpling pastry.

Marinate meat with ingredients. Follow the above instructions. Boil stock. Cook prawn dumplings for around 5-6 minutes. Serve hot with chili!

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!!! MAY THIS YEAR BRING YOU AND YOUR FAMILY MORE LOVE AND PROSPERITY!!! 

Long/Snake Bean Omelette

There is something about eggs and long beans that gets me excited. Two such simple ingredients, but one that I always look forward to when Grandma makes it.

We weren't well to do then, and I recall having rice porridge for lunch every single week day of the year (except for school holidays, which we have a grand total of FOUR meals of rice porridge during the week-we have wan tan mee instead on the other day!). Oh, and of course, having dace fish with rice for dinner.

It was one of those days that grandma made long/Snake bean omelette. 

Grandma was always look out of ways to make me eat more veges (now, I'm the one nagging her to buy the extra bunch when I'm back). Chopped finely, it provided the additional crunch when bitting into a soft, oozy omelette.

If only these veges are in season every week!


Long/Snake Bean Omelette
5 eggs
1/4 cup of milk (I use soy milk)
1 bunch of snake beans-chopped finely
seasoning (pinch of salt and white pepper)

 Lightly whisk egg with milk. Season with some pepper.
 Heat pan with a little oil. Saute chopped snake beans for around 3-4 minutes. Add eggs. Cook till set. Turn off heat. Let it sit for a while. Season with salt. Serve with rice.

Star Anise Stewed Pork with Soya Egg

Memories can be in the form of images, smells, emotions, thoughts... the list is endless. For me though, a favourite childhood memory is when Grandma stewed a good stab of pork shoulder, cooled it down and chopped it into small pieces. If I'm lucky, I will catch her in the right moment-just when she puts the chopper into the meat, cutting them into the right bite size pieces before pouring the lovely juices over it. Being a little kid, I can't reach the plate, but she would save me the best pieces. Then we would giggle as I asked for more and she said "enough!" It's like a little secret between us.

I hesitated making this dish. Perhaps because I know how much it means to me. How perhaps if I screw it up, I will be distorting the memory. And of course, to conquer my fear of tackling a huge chunk of meat.

Grandma will probably not put star anise in her sauce. She would have preferred it slightly saltier.  But I'm not there to re-create what she does best. That's her star dish and it will always be. For us, it is just sufficient to savour the taste of home. Cutting the pieces of meat into the right bite sizes. Then it hit me-I smiled. She taught me how to cook this without teaching me. That's my grandmother for you.

Star Anise Stewed Pork with Soya Egg

1 kg of pork shoulder-trimmed with fats removed
1/4 cup of oyster sauce
1 generous tsp of castor sugar
1/4 cup of soya sauce 
1/2 cup of hua tiao jiu
1/4 cup of water
1 tablespoon of garlic
3-4 star anise 
2 boiled eggs-well done 

Heat a deep pot with some oil. Seal the pork shoulder. Rub it with garlic. Rest pork while all the sauces with star anise are placed in the pork and simmered. Place pork into the pot. Braise it for around 1.5 to 2 hours. Turning it over every 30 minutes or so. Cut each egg into half, place it in the pot for it to absorb the sauces. Serve with rice.

Zhai Choy (Vegetarian Vegetables)

The name sounds ironic. It is a direct translation from a well love dish that I grew up with. Keeping with my vegetarian theme, I cooked this in celebration of CNY for our guest. Once again, without the actual recipe, I went with the guidelines of what I recall grandma doing in the kitchen when I was growing up. She would made this every year-waking up very early in the morning on the first day of CNY so that our whole extended family can enjoy this for lunch.

Top with her super hot chili-one WILL find it hard to forget the taste of this.

For me-it was a taste of home. 

Zhai Choy (Vegetarian Vegetables) 

1 small bunch of mung bean noodles- soaked and drained
1 small packet of fah cho-soaked 
1 can of button/straw mushrooms
1 small bunch of chinese cabbage-shredded
around 10 shitake mushrooms dehydrated and sliced

Seasoning
2-3 tablespoon of light soy
1 tablespoon of dark soy
1/2 cap full of chinese cooking wine
lots of pepper.
pinch of salt
(traditonally, grandma will also add fermented beancurd but I couldnt find it in time and left it out)

Fry everything together and add seasoning. Dish up and serve hot with rice! =)