Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Right time wrong time

This is a reply to a comment made previously.

Right time or wrong time.


Well JL, unexpected things always happen whether you accept it or not. Much as i hate uncertainity, uncertainity isnt lways a bad thing. In fact, NO, u totally got my definition of 'wrong time' wrong. It is not about having set goals and things happening unexpectedly that will throw you off the goal... for taking things in the WHOLE CONTEXT (which of coz you missed the whole point on what i asked). wrong time being- how 2 person might be unprepared to stay in the r/s or it isnt working out or perhaps there are things beyond the 2 ppl control to be in a r/s. These things, for instance, means stuff like distance, personality clashes, parental objection.

What i am trying to say of course, in respect to r/s, the wrong time and the right time is solely on how the choices the 2 ppl made when they know each other better or in any event their choice in wanting to take the r/s further to the next step. Like i said, being in love is different from falling in love (and i do not mean the gushy feeling of coz..love is not just puppy love. Is abt mutual respect, deep understanding and perhaps a sort of feeling that u feel for that person, the level of sacrifices and ACTIONS you are willing to give up or do for that person). Having said that, please pardon the sparse definition of love (in a BGR r/s) coz the language itself is not sufficent to explain this phenomenon.

Even if you meet the greatest guy ever who love you. or the greatest girl for that matter, there are circumstances that made people make choices. A relationship is about TWO people. Not one contributing and the other following bindly. Is not just one person who is inputting and the other one being in his/her own little world, thinking that the partner will never leave him/her. So what if that person says all sort of sweet promises- that in the end, ACTIONS means more than words. Do not promise me things that one cannot accomplish. At least if something goes wrong (i.e. does not reach what the goal is) then for goodness sake, reflect on it and think how to improve on it and DONT SULK and do nothing (which unfortunatly i have seen ppl i am close to do it..complain and not move on and do something or just say alot and losing their goal halfway). Is sad really. Not to mention if there are only one person doing the leading and the other person following bindly... hrmph.. chances r, r/s is not going to work out (unless the person willing and blindly want to follow).

So drawing this back to the right time and wrong time arguement- Wrong time happens in a r/s when 2 ppl feel for each other but actions or both of them do not do enough to keep the r/s happening. Or perhaps, they CHOOSE not to let the r/s happen- because of events or perhaps FEELINGs and PLANS about others. Or in the event of the 2 ppl already in a r/s, wrong time meaning how 1 person doesnt hv a direction in what he/she wants in the r/s and life while the other person love or have feeings for that person, knows that it is better he/she leaves so that the person can find his/her own ground.

It is about the timing- e.g. whether if things happen unexpectedly and therefore you leave the r/s just because he doesnt fit into your plans? No. Is about the decisions and choices 2 ppl made for the best for either one person or for both parties. Btw, if there is one thing i learn in the past few years is that love always happen unexpectedly. If i have a goal to get my degree and just simply make use of my partner (or in this case, ex-partner) to get it, wow, i shld hv left him after my canning college cert man or maybe continue on just so to make use of the person for my masters course.. Is this case that simple? A matter of just because we broke up simply because he doesnt fit into my current plan? The answer is no. I think our breakup was far more complicated than anyone can imagine. We love(d) each other to the point where it was lost. Where he focused on himself, that he thought the whole r/s was abt himself n if he improve on himself means the r/s will work. is about us not him. As for myself, I grew tired and just simply listening to sweet words are not enough..i want to see ACTIONS-things that he say that he will actually DO. Perhaps i am not patient enough, then tell me if 4 years nearly 5 isnt long enough. That whatever i did, that r not openly shown to anyone is allowing ppl to blame me for not putting enough to the r/s? Alan knows clearly and know what i have done. Both of us put alot in the r/s and dont take things on the surface on what he did for me..and neglect to see what i did for him.

Why do i bother to say all these? I am moving on but the pain remains. is he the only one hurting? Just because I dont show it, that i go out with other ppl, that i laugh and joke and appears to be ok doesnt mean that inside i am not affected by these.

Although yes, i am moving on well and taking my time to get on with life. Appreciating me after it broke up just isnt good enough. Love itself will not make a relationship work. And no, dont leave me hinting gently to loudly to screaming and then say "it was only the begining of this year that i tried to 'win' you back" when we talked abt our problems 3 FREAKIN years ago.

Do i have high expectations in a r/s? 5 years ago-no. Now, i am wiser. Is no longer about gushy love. The person who wants me, the person who i will be in in another r/s.. will know that actions matters. Not sweet words. I am not the naive girl 5 years ago. To be in a r/s means to FIGHT for it. for both parties to work hard in it. Love doesnt come easy.

2 comments:

Thoughts said...

there is no need for u to justify or explain what really happened. it is btw u n alan and solely between both of you.

did he see u cry? did he see ur frustration? did he see how unhappy you were?

NO.

for someone who never had a gf before, for someone who cannot draw the line btw appropriate touching and molest, JL has no right to make any comment he did.

can tears be faked? can someone just throw away 5 years of memories and life without feeling pain simply because timing is wrong? I doubt it. for someone rambling abt straight lines and timing and all that crap, he certainly doesn't understand what 'xin you yu er li bu zu' means. if life was as simple as timing, there wouldn't be sadness, regrets and a whole load of other negative emotions.


just because no one sees your tears doesn't mean you are not not sad. just because no one hears you speak doesn't mean you don't have any words to say. life is beyond that superficiality.

Anonymous said...

Pls take note that Alan loves(d) me and he tried hard enough. A r/s is hard enough...break up is hard enough.

Oh yeah, as for JL- dont know if he sees my pt, but JL can say what he feels or thinks. Is ok. He has a right to say what he wants. I do feel the above comment was a too harsh towards JL. In terms of him..do hving his right to say whatever he likes....his thoughts about that matter. Afterall, i invited pppl to do so. I will appreciate if it is much more direct though? Thank you.

hving said that. thanks v..for seeing my viewpt. It means alot to me.

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