Thursday, October 27, 2005


2 nights ago, i rang home to thank mum for a bag she got for me for birthday. It was pink with a picture of a lady walking a poodle with a mini city in the background (imagine lady going shopping with the poodle).

For those who know the ups and downs of my relationship with my mum, read this.

Anyway, my conversation with mum:

me: thanks mum, i recieved the present today.
mum: Oh! You like it?!?!
me: I like the colour.
mum: It's cute isnt it? It is so in fashion in Singapore now.
me: Is it? I'm really not sure about what's in trend now.
mum: YA...It's the trend! Your classmates will say how cute the bag is.
me: Well... it does look a little cute, although a little young for me. Maybe it is better if i am 18 or something.
mum: It's in trend now mah...
me: the material is nice..
mum: YA!!!
me: Erm, ma, i thought you bought the bag in china?
mum: no lah, bought in singapore.

At this time, i began to feel a little guilty.

me: oh, dont tell me you went to the shops saw the bag and said "this is soo daphne."
mum: YA! I saw it and thought i HAVE to buy it for you. So you like it?
me (feeling guilty): yes....

No, the bag isnt something that i would buy for myself. Knowing that my mum took the effort and bought the bag (even when she has been so busy with opera and work committments-travelling to china earlier in the month) somehow just erm.. i just cant say no! Not to mention the nice wrapping paper that she used (not the $1 kind that she usually keep at home.It actually looks nice!) . She took the effort to wrap the whole thing up-using her pattern wrapping skills.

As a young girl, I was caught up with the whole pleasing mum thing. I still want to please my mum. It was so hard to spend time with her that i literally drop everything to go out with her (when she wants).

This time is different though. She wanted to make me happy as well. She was even unhappy because dad let the cat out of the bag by telling me she sent me something! She said "your dad nothing to say to you is it..."- in a unhappy tone. Towards the end of the conversation, she said that as long as i am happy, she thinks applying for the dpsych is a good idea. This is the first time she has ever told me that she will support me in applying for a postgrad degree. No arguements, no nothing, just a plain "As long as you are happy." Not in an unhappy tone, not in a "i give up tone", but actually in a soft gentle way that i missed about mum.

Maybe the illness changed her. Maybe she decided that her family is more important now. I dont know. For the first time, i actually feel that we are closer now. It doesnt matter if the bag is pink with a lady walking with a poodle but hey, it's from her. I can use it to put library books or something. I feel that she opened up and even told me about the up coming vietnam trip with the hospital- telling me not to worry as the hospital will cancel the trip if the bird flu thing comes up. She initiate that, most of the time.. i dont even know she went on a trip until she was ON the trip.

Took me nearly 22 years to get here with my mum. Regardless, I still love her. I really do.


wenrui said...

Hey. Not any lady can be a Mom. One doesn't get to be a Mom unless one can fix everything right.

daphne said...

Does parenting comes with a set of instructions? Survival could be an instinct, but emotional support (not always).

wenrui said...

Does it matter. =)

daphne said...

It does. Big time.

Amazingly, parents forget that children needs emotional support. They need to be loved, cherish, encouraged, hug, care, laughed...

Parents (talking in a general sense here) isnt perfect. Parenting is a learning curve. Kids grow and change, and therefore, parents would have to adapt and change too. Kids isnt adults-they deserve to be kids. Circumstances might differ but adults are ultimately the ones who needs to provide the kind of environment the best they can- including physical and emotional support.

They can learn- not meant to be perfect.

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