love...

oh yeah. that's right.. me rambling abt r/s.

anyway, i was just thinking, ppl always wonder.. when will the ONe appear.. how do one knows if he/she is THE ONE? how do one knows if he/she is the person u want to grow old with?

so i asked.. and what was the reply? "u will know". thanks ppl. .that helps huh? How would i know? any signs or symptoms.. if there is a DSM IV and even a proposed category for PMS..then why isnt there any research or informaiton for "Signs n symptoms that He/She is the one?"

yeah..sure alan and i hv been together for more than 4 years. but even i hv my own doubts as well. Look.. he is sweet..and prob the only person on earth that can tolerate me but can i really be with him for the rest of my life? maybe? maybe not? maybe yes?

Is it wrong to have doubts when u r in the 4 going 5th year of your r/s.. then again, am i doubting if we hv feelings for each other? no.. is more like... is he really the person i can be with. So of coz.. we come to the next question of.. can a r/s works just becoz of love.

i am going to be a cynic and say no.

love creates this stage.. where it starts.. 2 years later, your brain gets used to the 'love" feeling and everything falls apart (research showed it!). So a couple hv to work on it. go on dates, sweet moments..etc etc.

which reminds me. .i haven been on a date with alan....since... actually, i cant remember.

but then again, i see him everyday since he stays in the next rm. but that is jus different!!!!

i am not the perfect person.. alan is prob the only person in this world that knows how to deal with my mood swings. but can i really take it when he dont shower for few days? and when he goes all irresponsible and forget to pay his bills? or, not to forget how he is bad with directions and always rely on ppl to give him directions? cant he look out for it himself!?
these things irritate me to the max.

which of coz.. makes me wonder too.. why in the world do these days make me so irritated. seems so ...trival.

and u know what's the worst thing? probably becoz i hate telling him what in the world is wrong. he is no mind-reader.. that i understand, and i usually dun let him guess what i want.. but there r things that need initiative..and when i tell him it is NO LONGER initiative...

i am angry at myself for being angry at him..which in turns makes me wonder why do i hv to be angry..and leads to the cycle of, why can he be so satisfied when i cant. and why am i always so up tight over these stuff..

so 16 is a young age to start dating.

i dislike being the leader. yet i dont hv much of a choice if i remain. so does that mean all the r/s work gone down the drain. i dont think so..

maybe he is the one but we r not mature enough yet?

he is the nicest bf ... the most caring and the most devoted. i am indeed a lucky girl..

but when do u draw the line and say this is not working.. not becoz of love but becoz of other issues. isnt that a pity? not to say.. i disagree with that too..coz even though love itself is not strong enough to maintain the r/s, surely to give up is a weak way to go. of coz then we r talking abt being tired.

promises always sound good.

am i sad to be in this situation? well, i take things as it goes. this is prob the best year alan and i hv so far. maybe these stuff came back to me beooz i was trying to procrastinate and this issue jus come to mind? i know, it is lame.

questioning for 2 years now. but we r still working arent we? we are not giving up?

sometimes, i wonder is it becoz i haven really date any other guys yet..and therefore, not sure if who is the person for me?

anyway, that doesnt mean alan n i hv no feelings for each other. me jus creating trouble for myself.

not as bad as it sounds.. jus some random thoughts that i need to type it out. i dont want to disapoint him.

but better to consider than to think everything is going fine. that is jus naive.